Thursday, February 19, 2015

People Aren't Monkeys, Apparently

(This post is Part 1 of 2 monkey-related stories)

Racial slurs and hate speech are the most deplorable, inexcusable types of insults anyone can make. I believe that people who make such statements should be held accountable for their caustic words. But what happens when, in a Seinfeld-esque miscommunication, someone is accused of making a racial slur when in fact, they did not? How do you convince others, while they glare at you, their faces ridden with offense and astonishment, that they got it all wrong?

What if you’re seven years old and your friend, someone who was in the same small, 12-student class with you for the past 2 years, is repeatedly puffing up his cheeks like a blowfish, crossing his eyes and then, alternately, making high-pitched whooping, screechy noises at you? He was an energetic boy who liked getting a rise out of his classmates, and I was especially easy to annoy. So he kept filling his cheeks with air and screeching at me until I thought I was going to have an aneurism. Don’t ask me where the teacher was at this point. As you may remember, grownups were not capable of understanding the complexities of elementary school drama. It must have been recess though. Anyway, I finally asked this kid to stop being a monkey and stop annoying me. Big mistake. An argumentative girl turned around and informed me that it was not only incredibly rude but also quite racist to tell my friend, who was being monkey, that he was being a monkey. I thought she clearly didn’t see what he was doing. So I told her. And he denied the whole thing.

At this point several other kids were listening to our quarrel, which made me feel even more defensive. I don’t know what the rest of them had been doing but no one noticed him making funny faces and incredibly irritating noises just moments before.  The argumentative girl, holding a pitchfork in one hand and a torch in the other, declared to the rest of the class that I was bullying that kid because of his brown skin.

Now I know that some holier-than-thou white people say things like, “I don’t see color” and claim to have no idea whether someone is of a different race. Uhhh sure, whatever you say. But you know what? Up until that moment in Mrs. Eckhart’s second grade classroom, I didn’t have a damn clue that that boy was of a different race. Seriously. Maybe children see the world differently or maybe I was just very dumb or unobservant or whatever. But when that girl accused me of being racist toward him I about passed out from shock. I remember staring at him and shaking my head, not wanting to question his skin color but having the veil of innocence ripped from my eyes. And I saw for the first time that he was different than me. 

Despite this revelation, I stuck to my guns about the monkey thing, and I still will stand up for myself on that one because, folks, he was legitimately pretending to be a monkey just to annoy me, ok?? Well I spent the rest of recess all alone because the other 11 people in the class refused to talk to me. I suppose I should be impressed that those young children were intolerant of prejudice (or perceived prejudice in this case) but as a very misunderstood second grader, I just felt devastated.  I remember kicking up the tiny rocks in the gravel parking lot in frustration. Every time I looked up from my dusty shoes I’d see eleven tiny humans on the other side of the lot with their chins up and their eyes narrowed. I just realized that maybe this experience is why I liked Lord of the Flies more than anyone I know.  Poor Piggy.

Anyway, my best friend eventually told me that everyone would be my friend again if I apologized to the boy. I vehemently protested, explaining for the 100th time that I was not being rude or derogatory (I’m sure I didn’t use that word) but was simply telling him to cut it out. And the “it” was his monkey-like behavior.  I couldn't believe how the whole thing had gotten blown out of proportion. My best friend looked like she wanted to believe me, but kept glancing over her shoulder at the others with a distinct look of fear. She didn't want to be exiled like me. “Just say sorry, ok? It’s not a big deal. Just say it.” She whimpered.

A large piece of my innocence disintegrated that day. My first approach was to lie like a successful politician.  I approached the mob and apologized for hurting his feelings. That was not good enough. They insisted I specifically apologize for calling him a monkey. At this point I had to take my lying skills a step further so, like a lawyer, I looked in his eyes and said I didn’t mean to call him a monkey. And the spell was broken. They were all my friends all of a sudden and the strange event was never mentioned again. I completely forgot about it until recently, but I have wondered why I feel overly paranoid about what I say when I’m talking to and especially when I’m joking around with someone of a different race.

Stay tuned because in my next post I will tell you another story involving a typical sitcom miscommunication, an unusual wedding reception, and another lesson about how people are not monkeys.

Has anything like this ever happened to you?? Let me know in the Comments section!



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